Best Weekend EVER!!!!

So Last Weekend was the Beledi Beach Bash Featuring UNMATA

Talk about a dream come true. I would not have believed I did it if I didn't have pictures to prove it to myself.

At about the 6th month mark after my surgery I decided to bust out my Unmata DVD and try and dance the whole way through the 2 hour DVD. And I did it. And hearing the interviews with Amy Sigil about what Unmata was all about and how she felt about dancing and herself. That they make no apologies for who they are and they bring everything that makes them well them as a person is brought to the stage, the good the bad, the painful and the joyful.
That gave me ope. TO keep fighting to keep moving, to just keep going, and knowing that one day I would be in a place where I could look back on all I had done and survived and felt good about it.

This weekend was the embodiment of that. Talking to Amy and Shelly in Person, dancing with them as well as PERFORMING on the same stage as some of the best Dancers in the Southeastern US was just amazing. I almost felt like I wasn't good enough to be there, until I hit the stage. Then it all melted away and i KNEW this was where I was supposed to be. On the Stage preparing to dance, filled with Confidence, spunk, sass and skill, and though I haven;t seen the Video yet I can say I feel I ROCKED the performance.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the weekend.

Amy, Me, Shelly
My FAVORITE picture of them all, because I REALLY felt like I was where I was supposed to be

Me and Lacy Perry from Atlanta, First a friend on Facebook, then a Friend In Real life. She had a STUNNING performance, and I hope to dance with her again

Me in my True Blood Themed Costume. I can't WAIT Till I get the Video!

Yup This about sums up the weekend. Why Pose pretty when we are ALL really crazy and goofy


And the Coup De Gras

The Sunset over St.Pete Beach in Treasure Island at the LOVELY and amazing Thunderbird Hotel.

The Sun may have set on the last day, but it has risen on a whole new world of opportunity and amazing adventures <3

1 Year Since Brain Surgery.

So I'm a little late in posting a journal/blog whatever about this but yes a year has come and gone since having my back to back brain surgeries.
It was an emotional time. But also a good one. I was Invited to go to Jacksonville to dance in Workshops at Anais Belly Dance and Fusions, after the Lovely Anais saw me perform at the circus Hafla as the Jackalope.

A side not on the Jackalope Performance. Wow. I often look back at the Picture and Video and wonder what the Hell I was thinking! in a good way of course, but man of man, the amount of work that went into the costuming makeup and actual dance was astronomical. But it payed off. It was a Hit and I look Forward to doing it again next year.


So Going to Jacksonville. That was..different. I hadn't been since the last time AJ (my ex) and I were still together. It was the Weekend Michael Jackson Passed Away as well as the Premier of the 2nd Transformers Movie.
Either way it has been just about2 1/2-3 years give or take since I had been there. LOT of memories stirred up being there. I saw my friends again, some of them at least since it was a game night. But I think it gave everyone closure to the situation. I was so stressed and out of sorts I ended up having some difficulties while there and some medical issues, which sucked. But the room was nice, the workshops I DID take were amazing and I REALLY enjoyed the Hafla and I think My Performance came out wonderful. Since doing the more acting and emotion work with Eve and Greg I can SEE a noticeable difference in my dancing and I LOVE it.

So that was my weekend. It was a little rough, stressful, but also a wonderful experience.

Enjoy the Video of my Halloween Performance and celebration of 1 year since Brain Surgery

http://youtu.be/pVQkND3HmZs



As An Overview on the whole year. Wow. All that I have accomplished. I survived the surgery, got engaged to the man I love and will love forever. Found a studio where I can dance and share my dance skills and knowledge. I have done no less then 8 performances this year and still have a few more to come before 2012 starts. I have learned so much and through the good times, bad times, painful times, and amazing times, I have kept moving forward, learning and growing.

DANCE Dance!

I have been neglecting my blog..bad me no cookie. SO let me catch up.
Over the last few months things Have been getting worse and worse with my condition. BUT in spite of all that I STILL had my comeback performance on April 12th 2011
I danced to a slow rendition of "I want to hold your Hand" Sung by Kurt from Glee.
It was a graceful heartfelt Polynesian fusion piece that had me in my costume with a Veil wrapped around my head, which, while you watch the video you can see what happens. I felt great getting on stage and everyone was SO blown away by the performance. I can;t ask for more. I am still here I am still strong and I showed a FULL HOUSE packed resteraunt that

Then in May I decided to do something a little more upbeat and fun. I danced to the Safety dance also the Glee cast version and it was SO much fun.

Sadly there WERE some bad thigns that happened involving the dance studios and fellow dancers. I am putting them in the past because I don't want to waste my energy on remembering them or even writing them down. Let's just say sometimes in the dance community I feel I am better off on my own. They for some reason are similar to most other people in that they can;t understand that I am a different person now. The way in which they are different is that most have become SO cocky and self obsessed that they are just nasty people. So it is their loss. I WILL keep dancing and just being who I am. And no one, be it a person or illness will keep me down.

He Put a Ring on it!!!!

That's right! I am now engaged!!!!!

I never thought this would happen. Ben has been everything to me over the last year and some change, and boy oh boy has he been a trooper. Sticking by my side and never flinching even in the face of Brain surgery.
So he spends Christmas with me, our second year spending Christmas together. We sit with my mom and step-dad and open gifts. We laugh and make jokes and just enjoy our presents. He LOVES the Tapestry that I got him to facilitate his new decorating of his apartment.
So we go on and get ready to go over to the Excell's house ( My uncle Bob's in laws) Over in Ocala. We make the 2 hour drive and all is going well. We get there and it is wonderful. Ben meets my Uncle, who growing up I was VERY close to. His Wife Karen and their Daughter Allison. Karen's Sister, and their Parents Evelyn and Alvin. SO needless to say it;s a houseful. We have an AMAZING dinner because well Karen is From Jamaican and Boy oh Boy can her mother COOK!
We enjoyed dinner, and I noticed Ben was enjoying the Red Stripe Beer (Hooray Beer alright) but it is a little unusual for him to be drinking, so I just figured he was nervous about meeting all the new people. Though they loved and excepted him right away.
So Dinner ends and things are winding down and we are now eating desert. I am sitting on the couch eating an eggnog spiced pound cake (the same one in fact that I made for him and my mom for their Birthdays) my mom is to my right , my step-dad is in the chair across from the Couch as is my Little cousin Allison. Uncle Bob is kinda standing behind everyone in chairs. All of a sudden Wendy, Evelyn and Karen come into the living room, and I am being started at by everyone and it gets really quiet. I'm like WTF why is everyone watching me eat cake, so then Ben says "Sweetie" and as I Look over he got down on one Knee. I place the plate down after asking a panicked "what are you doing?!" and he said my Full name and started off his speech.
He started it off with " Our year started with a Broken foot, and it has gone on form there, Graduating college, getting him his own apartment, losing a relationship with his mom but gaining one with his Dad. My Brain surgery and many more things. And that well..it was HARD really hard..but even through all that, he wouldn't change a thing. He loved me through and through and every thing that happened made him love me more and he just couldn't imagine me not being in his life. And he asked me if I would Marry Him" I of course just nodded because I was speechless at this point and I hugged him and just nodded. He opened the box and showed me the most lovely ring I had ever seen. Just truly lovely. It's is a 1 karat White Topaz ring with a large oval stone in the center and 2 heart shaped baguettes on the sides, as well as 3 little stones at the top and bottom of the center stone. All in lovely White gold.

There were lots of pictures taken during the actual proposal and after and such, and of course all the women in the room were crying. My mom just about had a coronary! Even some of the men got a little misty eyed. We all hugged and laughed and cried and they welcomed him to the Family, and thanks him for including them in our special moment. It was just perfect. So magical and just..amazing.
Words cannot describe how I feel. I have wanted and waited for this moment for my entire life.  for someone to want em enough and love me enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with me. And marriage to me is someone that woulds get up in front of their family and mine and say in front of everyone that they choose me, and love me, and will forever. And that is what he did. I feel amazing, I feel like I really have a future. That though things are hard, I can do this. Becasue there is a wonderful man waiting for me. I have been feeling really run down lately after this Brain surgery, like I was running out of sunshine and rainbows to feed on to get through these hard times. But after Saturday...after my special moment, I feel full again. Like I have all the strength and hope in the world.
It really was the true definition of a Christmas Miracle.

Giving Thanks

SO today is Thanksgiving. Wow, it cam up on me a LOT faster then I thought. I told myself and everyone that I wanted to be at about 80% by Thanksgiving. And here I am probably closer to 50-60% at the most. But I am doing the best I can.
SO I start thinking about things at Thanksgiving, like what i did last year and of course what I am thankful for.
Last years Big Thanks was having Ben in my life and part of my family for our First thanksgiving together. And the super big thanks was that I was able to get insurance.
I am even more thankful for those 2 particular things this year then I was last year. After breaking my foot badly in February and going through the LONG recovery then almost RIGHT after that finding the AVM and going through that process to end with having double Brain surgery in October..Whew!
If I wasn't fortunate enough to have insurance, NON of this would have happened. I never would have been able to afford my new psychiatrist, not to mention a head MRI. SO the AVM never would have been found, and It probably would have ruptured.
The surgeon said the AVM was bigger then they expected when they went in, which leads me to believe it WAS getting bigger, as well as would probably going to burst.
I am so thankful.
I made it through something REALLY hard, a hard thing that not everyone has to go through. I had my wonderful supportive Family and Boyfriend by my side the WHOLE time. I was even able to get my Dad on an airplane to come down to Florida to help and support me.
Though on the friend front I was disappointed, very heavily. I had one friend that never has and never will leave my side. My Buddy Lisa. She has known me since High school, and we became friends when we were about 19. And have been ever since. We have been through it all together, and our friendship and Bond has never been shaken or broken. Never. I am thankful for her. For all she does for me, and all she means to me.
I am just thankful in general to be alive, to have survived, but more then survived, came through with flying colors, even giving the hard parts.
So on this thanksgiving when we are saying grace and what we are thankful for, this will be my list.
Health, Friendship, True Love, and Happiness....

Brain Surgery, I survived.

Well I am back home. I am about 3 weeks give or take recovered form my double brain surgery, and boy oh boy what an experience. I figured I had better write it down before my memroy takes it all away.
SO the morning of the 21st I get to the hospital at 6:30am for my 8:30am embolization. The embolization is where the neuroradiologist injects this sort of glue into the arteries and veins of the AVM plugging them up so that when the neurosurgeon goes in, there is less bleeding and an easier removal.
So anyway, I didn't actually get taken back to surgery until 1:00pm my Doctor was on call and had 2 emergencies. So I went through the 3 hour procedure and did great, woke up fine but with a killer headache. And some interesting information. The Onix (the stuff they use to glue it with) makes you smell. It goes through your pours, glands, and breath, they say it;s  kinda like garlic, but everyone said it smelled like something different. Either way it sucked. Not only did I have my head all glued up, but then I smelled bad. So recovering form that sucked, it hurt REALLY bad. Like worse then a sinus headache, there was just so much pressure. It as a little funny because when I came to form the anesthesia all I wanted was a chocolate bar, so that is what I was babbling about. I finally got some chocolate pudding and the second I took one bit I threw up. And didn't stop getting sick until they gave me meds to stop it. Let me tell you what. If anyone has ever thrown up when they have a headache you know how bad it hurts, this was like torture. It felt like fireworks were exploding in my head. So it sucked. Also because I couldn't keep anything down, I couldn't take the Vicodon, so I was on Fentenol every hour, so I basically got 45 minutes of sleep every hour all night. Not to mention the MRI at 2AM and the chest x-ray at 4AM. And the nurses fucking up.
Either way I made it through the night and they wheeled me off got the Craniotomy at 8:30am. I wasn't too scared though Ben just about made me cry as I was wheeled in. When I got in the operating room there were like 50 different people in there. They pushed something into one of my IVs hard and I freaked and started sobbing. The techs quieted everyone down and got me calmed down. The surgery lasted 7 hours. After it was done I felt pretty damn good. I was high as a kite of course, but I was hungry and eating with no problems, I was talking, and making everyone laugh. I felt like I was in the Big Land form Super Mario 3, and then I started dancing in bed and singing the Mario theme song. I couldn't really see after the surgery but I could sort of recognize shapes and things and I was in a good mood. It was hard for the next 2 days because of the IVs bad nurses, pain med problems and some other things. But I made it through. I went home Monday the 35th, 5 days after I entered the hospital. I had 25 Staples in my head, and some partial vision loss in my left upper peripheral of my left eye,but all in all I did well. My brain is still swollen and swelling so that causes problems but I am actually getting better every day. I did it, I made it, I am and always have been the ultimate survivor.

Oh My God..I don't even..What?

So, I had my pre op appointment today and MRI, which sucked for 2 reasons because
A it was at 8am, and B because the told me I had to be there at 8 am like 1 day in advanced..
Ok those things I can sorta forgive. I get there and they need to add contrast..so that means they get to find a vein on me, which is the proverbial needle in a haystack. They stick me 2x then have another person try, she proceeds to stick me on the side of my wrist under my thumb..Fucking OW! and she hits a nerve and ruptures the vein, double ow.
So they have to take me up stairs to have an ultrasound done on my arm to find the vein. They finally do and into the MRI I go. ( pics to come soon)

So then I go upstairs for my pre op appointment. First there is some confusion about weather or not I get blood drawn today..which thankfully was no, then we start going over things. I mention my Drs name ( the neuro radiologist, not the surgeon) and the Dr whom I am speaking to is like " he's not here anymore" What the fuck do you mean he's not fucking here anymore I have surgery in a week!?!?!?!?!111!!
Yeah so apparently my surgeon just didn't come back to work after his leave of absence. So no one happened to tell ME that my Dr was gone and that they set me up with a new one.
Jesus H Christ.....


On a lighter note I went and got Authentic Gyros with m y mom for lunch, cause hey if you have a hurtie pain in your soul form OMGWTF you SHOULD cover it with tasty foods..right?