Oh My God..I don't even..What?

So, I had my pre op appointment today and MRI, which sucked for 2 reasons because
A it was at 8am, and B because the told me I had to be there at 8 am like 1 day in advanced..
Ok those things I can sorta forgive. I get there and they need to add contrast..so that means they get to find a vein on me, which is the proverbial needle in a haystack. They stick me 2x then have another person try, she proceeds to stick me on the side of my wrist under my thumb..Fucking OW! and she hits a nerve and ruptures the vein, double ow.
So they have to take me up stairs to have an ultrasound done on my arm to find the vein. They finally do and into the MRI I go. ( pics to come soon)

So then I go upstairs for my pre op appointment. First there is some confusion about weather or not I get blood drawn today..which thankfully was no, then we start going over things. I mention my Drs name ( the neuro radiologist, not the surgeon) and the Dr whom I am speaking to is like " he's not here anymore" What the fuck do you mean he's not fucking here anymore I have surgery in a week!?!?!?!?!111!!
Yeah so apparently my surgeon just didn't come back to work after his leave of absence. So no one happened to tell ME that my Dr was gone and that they set me up with a new one.
Jesus H Christ.....


On a lighter note I went and got Authentic Gyros with m y mom for lunch, cause hey if you have a hurtie pain in your soul form OMGWTF you SHOULD cover it with tasty foods..right?

10-10-10

SO yeah 10 is my lucky number. So needless to say I have been waiting for this day for a LONG time. I can;t gripe that it was an awful day, thought I would like to.
It;s just that for the last oh I don't know 3-5 years I thought I would be getting married on this day. I would have been even happy with engagement. But neither happened. Not even close.
Ben did take me out for a nice breakfast and to a movie, which was nice...it was all just...nice.
Nothing spectacular. Which really it should have been. If I know that someone where looking forward to a special day, I would go to the ends of the earth to make damned sure that it was perfect. But that is me and I have seldom found anyone in this earth that can hold themselves to my standards. Being this crazy nice and creative all the freaking time, no one really wants to exude that much effort.

Also, after yesterday starts the down hill decline until my surgery. I had my first hospital/surgery dream last night. Haven't had one of those in a while.
in 1 week my dad comes down from Virginia. in a week and 2 days I will be admitted to the hospital.
I don;t eve know when I will be coming home.

The more things change...

So lately I have been contemplating different things..
Most Likely because of my up coming surgery. These emotional roller coasters are getting tedious. I don;t even like roller coasters :/
Either way I have made a list of different things, important things that have happened and changed over the last 25 years. Since well, after this surgery I will no longer have something that I was born with. It will change the way my brain works and let's face it, that is scary as shit.

*My hair has gone form being long, to super short to long and is now for the first time since I was in Middle school short again
*I have 10 tattoos now and am ready for more
*3 out of the 4 Major Boyfriends I have had are now married
*2 of those have children
*I have gone from being in college, to working 3 jobs, to not working, to having to go on disability
* Almost every dream I had is gone except for one


So they say the more things that change, the more stay the same. I deem that Bullshit. The more things that change, the more they change. Period.

Fact of the matter is I will be having brain surgery in 15 days. 2 brain surgeries in fact. And it will change everything. Most of my fiends near by in Florida as so consumed with their own things, they don;t even bother with me. And the One that would bother is in Virginia.

I am not sure what I am going to do for the next 2 weeks, but I am sure I will figure something out.


This is my MRI and my lovely AVM

Insperation..

Welcome to my new Blog! I figured that since life is now going to get interesting i might as well start writing thigns down.

Here is the poem that Inspired the title of my new blog, please feel free to slip back into your literature filled childhood while you read.


Wild Strawberries
By Shel Silverstein

Are Wild Strawberries really wild?
Will they scratch an adult, will they snap at a child?
Should you pet them, or let them run free where they roam?
Could they ever relax in a steam-heated home?
Can they be trained to not growl at the guests?
Will a litterbox work or would they leave a mess?
Can we make them a Cowberry, herding the cows,
Or maybe a Muleberry pulling the plows,
Or maybe a Huntberry chasing the grouse,
Or maybe a Watchberry guarding the house,
And though they may curl up at your feet oh so sweetly,
Can you ever feel that you trust them completely?
Or should we make a pet out of something less scary,
Like the Domestic Prune or the Imported Cherry,
Anyhow, you’ve been warned and I will not be blamed
If your Wild Strawberry cannot be tamed.